Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Wisdom Quotes
The young are slaves to dreams; the old, servants of regrets.
Hervey Allen
It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.
Terry Pratchett 'Good Omens'
The truth is a snare: you cannot have it, without being caught. You cannot have the truth in such a way that you catch it, but only in such a way that it catches you.
Soren Kierkegaard
A mistake is only as big as the time you take to recover from it.
Vishnu Prasad
Violence does, in truth, recoil upon the violent. And the schemer falls into the pit which he digs for another.
Sherlock Holmes
Don't make someone wait for you. Just because you know someone will.
Pooja Verma
What is more manly? The man who sleeps with 50 women, or who makes one woman feel the best for 50 years?
Rob Bell
We meet at a college noted for knowledge, in a city noted for progress, in a state noted for strength, and we stand in need of all three, for we meet in an hour of change and challenge, in a decade of hope and fear, in an age of both knowledge and ignorance. The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds the vast stretches of the unknown and the unanswered and the unfinished still far outstrip our collective comprehension.
John F. Kennedy, 1962
Love is like a well: a good thing to drink out of, but a bad thing to fall into.
Anonymous
Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake.
J.D. Salinger
I would step in the way of a bullet if it were aimed at my husband. It is not self-sacrifice to die protecting that which you value: If the value is great enough, you do not care to exist without it. This applies to any alleged sacrifice for those one loves.
Ayn Rand
I've not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that don't work.
Thomas Edison
The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.
Pearl S. Buck
"There is no clique I could ever hope to keep up with, other than the one where I'm the only member."
Neil Cicierega
Your writing can help change the way the world is. By making it public, by showing suffering, by showing war, by showing corruption, by showing misdemeanor... you're going to help change it. But when the time comes to hang up your boots as I'm just about doing, you realize that you've done very little to change the world. All you've done is to advertise its ills. Its a very sad epitaph.
Mike Nicholson
I think it's very interesting to be a human-being. I think it's weird. You get, if you're lucky, 80 years on a planet and all the time you're here you know you're dying. You're very, very private: nobody really knows you, you don't really want to be known by anybody, and you have to get your satisfaction from fellow creatures like yourself.
Don Roos
When liberty comes with hands dabbled in blood, it is hard to shake hands with her.
Oscar Wilde
It's an anthropomorphic ego to assume God's universal plan is about man.
Aubrey Charasz
A person is always changing, and they are never who they are until the day they die. Then it becomes who they were.
Jared Wilkerson
You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you're going to get killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take time to imagine the impossible. That maybe you'd survive.
Doctor Who, "The end of the world"
Hervey Allen
It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.
Terry Pratchett 'Good Omens'
The truth is a snare: you cannot have it, without being caught. You cannot have the truth in such a way that you catch it, but only in such a way that it catches you.
Soren Kierkegaard
A mistake is only as big as the time you take to recover from it.
Vishnu Prasad
Violence does, in truth, recoil upon the violent. And the schemer falls into the pit which he digs for another.
Sherlock Holmes
Don't make someone wait for you. Just because you know someone will.
Pooja Verma
What is more manly? The man who sleeps with 50 women, or who makes one woman feel the best for 50 years?
Rob Bell
We meet at a college noted for knowledge, in a city noted for progress, in a state noted for strength, and we stand in need of all three, for we meet in an hour of change and challenge, in a decade of hope and fear, in an age of both knowledge and ignorance. The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds the vast stretches of the unknown and the unanswered and the unfinished still far outstrip our collective comprehension.
John F. Kennedy, 1962
Love is like a well: a good thing to drink out of, but a bad thing to fall into.
Anonymous
Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake.
J.D. Salinger
I would step in the way of a bullet if it were aimed at my husband. It is not self-sacrifice to die protecting that which you value: If the value is great enough, you do not care to exist without it. This applies to any alleged sacrifice for those one loves.
Ayn Rand
I've not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that don't work.
Thomas Edison
The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.
Pearl S. Buck
"There is no clique I could ever hope to keep up with, other than the one where I'm the only member."
Neil Cicierega
Your writing can help change the way the world is. By making it public, by showing suffering, by showing war, by showing corruption, by showing misdemeanor... you're going to help change it. But when the time comes to hang up your boots as I'm just about doing, you realize that you've done very little to change the world. All you've done is to advertise its ills. Its a very sad epitaph.
Mike Nicholson
I think it's very interesting to be a human-being. I think it's weird. You get, if you're lucky, 80 years on a planet and all the time you're here you know you're dying. You're very, very private: nobody really knows you, you don't really want to be known by anybody, and you have to get your satisfaction from fellow creatures like yourself.
Don Roos
When liberty comes with hands dabbled in blood, it is hard to shake hands with her.
Oscar Wilde
It's an anthropomorphic ego to assume God's universal plan is about man.
Aubrey Charasz
A person is always changing, and they are never who they are until the day they die. Then it becomes who they were.
Jared Wilkerson
You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you're going to get killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take time to imagine the impossible. That maybe you'd survive.
Doctor Who, "The end of the world"
Love Quotes
"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time."
Edith Newbold Jones Wharton
"It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace."
Andre Gide
"Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers and are famous preservers of youthful looks."
Charles Dickens
Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!
Moulin Rouge
"Be not ashamed of thy virtues; honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times."
Ben Jonson
I have loved to the point of madness;That which is called madness, That which to me, Is the only sensible way to love.
F. Sagan
"You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"
Robert Louis Stevenson
Edith Newbold Jones Wharton
"It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace."
Andre Gide
"Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers and are famous preservers of youthful looks."
Charles Dickens
Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!
Moulin Rouge
"Be not ashamed of thy virtues; honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times."
Ben Jonson
I have loved to the point of madness;That which is called madness, That which to me, Is the only sensible way to love.
F. Sagan
"You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"
Robert Louis Stevenson
Wisdom Quotes
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never escape it alive anyway.
unknown COOL!
Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change.
Confucius COOL!
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.
Malcolm Muggeridge
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
I think that technologies are morally neutral until we apply them. It's only when we use them for good or for evil that they become good or evil.
William Gibson
Without order nothing can exist - without chaos nothing can evolve.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
John F. Kennedy
The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowledge of the unconscious activities of the mind
Freud
Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?
Solomon Short
After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.
Spock, "Amok Time"
stardate 3372.7
Conquest is easy. Control is not.
Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror"
stardate unknown
History tends to exaggerate.
Col. Green
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.4
Men of peace usually are brave.
Spock
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.5
There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.
Abraham Lincoln
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.5
"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
Chinese Proverb
"Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people."
Richard Armour
"If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver.
Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time -- a tremendous whack."
Winston Churchill
Ratio of Americans who die from tobacco-related illnesses each year to the number who are murdered : 17:1
September issue of Harper's Index
unknown COOL!
Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change.
Confucius COOL!
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.
Malcolm Muggeridge
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
I think that technologies are morally neutral until we apply them. It's only when we use them for good or for evil that they become good or evil.
William Gibson
Without order nothing can exist - without chaos nothing can evolve.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
John F. Kennedy
The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowledge of the unconscious activities of the mind
Freud
Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?
Solomon Short
After a time, you may find that "having" is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as "wanting." It is not logical, but it is often true.
Spock, "Amok Time"
stardate 3372.7
Conquest is easy. Control is not.
Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror"
stardate unknown
History tends to exaggerate.
Col. Green
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.4
Men of peace usually are brave.
Spock
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.5
There's no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.
Abraham Lincoln
"The Savage Curtain"
stardate 5906.5
"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
Chinese Proverb
"Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people."
Richard Armour
"If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver.
Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time -- a tremendous whack."
Winston Churchill
Ratio of Americans who die from tobacco-related illnesses each year to the number who are murdered : 17:1
September issue of Harper's Index
Famous People Sayings
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)
"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
"His ignorance is encyclopedic"
- Abba Eban (1915-2002)
"If a man does his best, what else is there?"
- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
"Political correctness is tyranny with manners."
- Charlton Heston (1924-)
"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."
- Ayn Rand (1905-1982)
"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
- Robert Pirsig (1948-)
"Sex and religion are closer to each other than either might prefer."
- Saint Thomas Moore (1478-1535)
"I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better."
- A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
- Saint Augustine (354-430)
"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you."
- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
"We are all atheists about most of the gods humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further."
- Richard Dawkins (1941-)
"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work."
- Emile Zola (1840-1902)
"This book fills a much-needed gap."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a review
"The full use of your powers along lines of excellence."
- definition of "happiness" by John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart."
- e e cummings (1894-1962)
"Give me a museum and I'll fill it."
- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
"Assassins!"
- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra
"I'll moider da bum."
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is."
- Yogi Berra
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems."
- Rene Descartes (1596-1650), "Discours de la Methode"
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
- George Burns (1896-1996)
"I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."
- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)
"There are no facts, only interpretations."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense."
- Edsgar Dijkstra (1930-2002)
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
- Bjarne Stroustrup
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)
"Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)
"Try to learn something about everything and everything about something."
- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
"Dancing is silent poetry."
- Simonides (556-468bc)
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near."
- Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947-)
"Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain."
- Friedrich von Schiller (1759-1805)
"We have art to save ourselves from the truth."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
"I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) when asked what is his favorite song
"I have nothing to declare except my genius."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) upon arriving at U.S. customs 1882
"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must."
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)
"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
- unknown
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
- Sharon Stone
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them."
- Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)
"Facts are the enemy of truth."
- Don Quixote - "Man of La Mancha"
"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world."
- George Washington Carver (1864-1943)
"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself."
- Anais Nin (1903-1977)
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
"I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right."
- Frederick (II) the Great
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact."
- George Eliot (1819-1880)
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
- Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
- Steven Wright
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time."
- Vince Lombardi
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
- James Branch Cabell
"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship."
- John D. Rockefeller (1874-1960)
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it."
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)
"An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered."
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)
"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
- Umberto Eco
"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."
- Jimmy Durante
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), Inaugural Address, January 20, 1953
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working."
- Albert Giacometti (sculptor)
"There's a limit to how many times you can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm not there yet."
- Randy Pausch (1960-2008)
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."
- Carl Sagan (1934-1996)
"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street."
- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."
- Frank Zappa
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
- Antoine de Saint Exupery
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
- Isaac Asimov
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
- Carl Sagan (1934-1996)
"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
- G. B. Burgin
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."
- Auric Goldfinger, in "Goldfinger" by Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance"
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens."
- Jimi Hendrix
"A clever man commits no minor blunders."
- Goethe (1749-1832)
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours."
- Richard Bach
"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera."
- James Stephens (1882-1950)
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault."
- Henry Kissinger (1923-)
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
- Will Durant
"I have often regretted my speech, never my silence."
- Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.)
"It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
- Mario Andretti
"I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means."
- Clarence Darrow, Scopes trial, 1925.
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
"I'll sleep when I'm dead."
- Warren Zevon (1947-2003)
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread."
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
"When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head."
- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)
"Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together."
- Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it"
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"While we are postponing, life speeds by."
- Seneca (3BC - 65AD)
"Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?"
- Bumper Sticker
"God, please save me from your followers!"
- Bumper Sticker
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
- the Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
"Luck is the residue of design."
- Branch Rickey - former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
- Mel Brooks
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
"Wit is educated insolence."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"
- Erica Jong (1942-)
"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."
- Erica Jong (1942-)
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Maya Angelou (1928-)
"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."
- Gore Vidal
"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
- Samuel Palmer (1805-80)
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows."
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny."
- Guy Davenport
"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth."
- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
"When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong."
- Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite."
- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
"I would have made a good Pope."
- Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994)
"In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience."
- W.B. Prescott
"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin."
- John von Neumann (1903-1957)
"The mistakes are all waiting to be made."
- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game's opening position
"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"Grove giveth and Gates taketh away."
- Bob Metcalfe (inventor of Ethernet) on the trend of hardware speedups not being able to keep up with software demands
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
- C. A. R. Hoare
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"What do you take me for, an idiot?"
- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy
"I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon."
- Bill Hirst
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
"A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
"Logic is in the eye of the logician."
- Gloria Steinem
"No one can earn a million dollars honestly."
- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
"Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech."
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"When ideas fail, words come in very handy."
- Goethe (1749-1832)
"In the end, everything is a gag."
- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
- Lucille S. Harper
"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
- Yogi Berra
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
"He who hesitates is a damned fool."
- Mae West (1892-1980)
"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater."
- Gail Godwin
"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small."
- Henry Kissinger (1923-)
"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime."
- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
"I am not young enough to know everything."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
- General George Patton (1885-1945)
"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking."
- Katherine Cebrian
"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it."
- Steven Wright
"Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour."
- Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)
"Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure."
- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
"I have read your book and much like it."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
"The covers of this book are too far apart."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them."
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
"Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end."
- Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
- Mae West (1892-1980)
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
"No Sane man will dance."
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
"Hell is a half-filled auditorium."
- Robert Frost (1874-1963)
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
"Vote early and vote often."
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Hell is other people."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
"Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."
- Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion)
"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
- Thomas Jones
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
"The gods too are fond of a joke."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
- Gloria Leonard
"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man."
- Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben
"The cynics are right nine times out of ten."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him."
- Revelation 6:8
"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"Hemingway was a jerk."
- Harold Robbins
"Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things."
- Epictetus (55-135 A.D.)
"What about things like bullets?"
- Herb Kimmel, Behavioralist, Professor of Psychology, upon hearing the above quote (1981)
"How can I lose to such an idiot?"
- A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)
"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."
- Woody Allen (1935-)
"I don't feel good."
- The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)
"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
- Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)
"Men have become the tools of their tools."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant."
- Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines
"I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television."
- Gore Vidal
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
- Woody Allen (1935-)
"Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives."
- Abba Eban (1915-2002)
"A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually."
- Abba Eban (1915-2002)
"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me."
- Charles William Stubbs
"Sanity is a madness put to good uses."
- George Santayana (1863-1952)
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
- Fred Allen (1894-1956)
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
- Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
"Why don't you write books people can read?"
- Nora Joyce to her husband James (1882-1941)
"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
- T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
"Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"It is better to be quotable than to be honest."
- Tom Stoppard
"Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting."
- Karl Wallenda
"Opportunities multiply as they are seized."
- Sun Tzu
"A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar."
- Lao-Tzu (570?-490? BC)
" The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
- Alan Kay
"Never mistake motion for action."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Sir Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-1971)
"Hell is paved with good samaritans."
- William M. Holden
"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"Silence is argument carried out by other means."
- Ernesto"Che"Guevara (1928-1967)
"Well done is better than well said."
- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
"The average person thinks he isn't."
- Father Larry Lorenzoni
"Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd."
- William Congreve (1670-1729)
"A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted."
- Helen Rowland (1876-1950)
"Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century."
- Lewis Perelman
"Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency."
- Lewis Perelman
"Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal."
- Sigfried Hulzer
"Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done."
- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943
"I think it would be a good idea."
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!"
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" "
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy."
- Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
"Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity."
- Irving Kristol
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible."
- A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
- H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
- Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
- last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both."
- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), "The Prince"
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame."
- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Yogi Berra
"There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole."
- Bill Wulf
"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"Write drunk; edit sober."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"I criticize by creation - not by finding fault."
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
"Love is friendship set on fire."
- Jeremy Taylor
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair
"My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate."
- Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was
"Woman was God's second mistake."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"This isn't right, this isn't even wrong."
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper
"For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
"Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run."
- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
"He would make a lovely corpse."
- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"I worship the quicksand he walks in."
- Art Buchwald
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"A poem is never finished, only abandoned."
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)
"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction."
- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
"If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?"
- Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing
"#3 pencils and quadrille pads."
- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the grid lines were not so dominant.
"Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray."
- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.
"Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis."
- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.
"I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need."
- Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"The truth is more important than the facts."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
- Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)
"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat
"His ignorance is encyclopedic"
- Abba Eban (1915-2002)
"If a man does his best, what else is there?"
- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
"Political correctness is tyranny with manners."
- Charlton Heston (1924-)
"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."
- Ayn Rand (1905-1982)
"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
- Robert Pirsig (1948-)
"Sex and religion are closer to each other than either might prefer."
- Saint Thomas Moore (1478-1535)
"I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better."
- A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
- Saint Augustine (354-430)
"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you."
- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
"We are all atheists about most of the gods humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further."
- Richard Dawkins (1941-)
"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work."
- Emile Zola (1840-1902)
"This book fills a much-needed gap."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a review
"The full use of your powers along lines of excellence."
- definition of "happiness" by John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart."
- e e cummings (1894-1962)
"Give me a museum and I'll fill it."
- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
"Assassins!"
- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra
"I'll moider da bum."
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is."
- Yogi Berra
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems."
- Rene Descartes (1596-1650), "Discours de la Methode"
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
- George Burns (1896-1996)
"I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."
- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)
"There are no facts, only interpretations."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense."
- Edsgar Dijkstra (1930-2002)
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."
- Bjarne Stroustrup
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)
"Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)
"Try to learn something about everything and everything about something."
- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
"Dancing is silent poetry."
- Simonides (556-468bc)
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near."
- Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947-)
"Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain."
- Friedrich von Schiller (1759-1805)
"We have art to save ourselves from the truth."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
"I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) when asked what is his favorite song
"I have nothing to declare except my genius."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) upon arriving at U.S. customs 1882
"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must."
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)
"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
- unknown
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
- Sharon Stone
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them."
- Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)
"Facts are the enemy of truth."
- Don Quixote - "Man of La Mancha"
"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world."
- George Washington Carver (1864-1943)
"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself."
- Anais Nin (1903-1977)
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
"I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right."
- Frederick (II) the Great
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact."
- George Eliot (1819-1880)
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
- Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
- Steven Wright
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time."
- Vince Lombardi
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
- James Branch Cabell
"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship."
- John D. Rockefeller (1874-1960)
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it."
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)
"An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered."
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)
"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
- Umberto Eco
"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."
- Jimmy Durante
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), Inaugural Address, January 20, 1953
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working."
- Albert Giacometti (sculptor)
"There's a limit to how many times you can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm not there yet."
- Randy Pausch (1960-2008)
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."
- Carl Sagan (1934-1996)
"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street."
- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."
- Frank Zappa
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
- Antoine de Saint Exupery
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
- Isaac Asimov
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
- Carl Sagan (1934-1996)
"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
- G. B. Burgin
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."
- Auric Goldfinger, in "Goldfinger" by Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance"
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens."
- Jimi Hendrix
"A clever man commits no minor blunders."
- Goethe (1749-1832)
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours."
- Richard Bach
"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera."
- James Stephens (1882-1950)
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault."
- Henry Kissinger (1923-)
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
- Will Durant
"I have often regretted my speech, never my silence."
- Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.)
"It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
- Mario Andretti
"I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means."
- Clarence Darrow, Scopes trial, 1925.
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)
"I'll sleep when I'm dead."
- Warren Zevon (1947-2003)
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread."
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
"When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head."
- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)
"Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together."
- Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it"
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"While we are postponing, life speeds by."
- Seneca (3BC - 65AD)
"Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?"
- Bumper Sticker
"God, please save me from your followers!"
- Bumper Sticker
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
- the Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
"Luck is the residue of design."
- Branch Rickey - former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
- Mel Brooks
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
"Wit is educated insolence."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
- Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"
- Erica Jong (1942-)
"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."
- Erica Jong (1942-)
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Maya Angelou (1928-)
"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."
- Gore Vidal
"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
- Samuel Palmer (1805-80)
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows."
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny."
- Guy Davenport
"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth."
- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
"When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong."
- Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite."
- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
"I would have made a good Pope."
- Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994)
"In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience."
- W.B. Prescott
"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin."
- John von Neumann (1903-1957)
"The mistakes are all waiting to be made."
- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game's opening position
"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"Grove giveth and Gates taketh away."
- Bob Metcalfe (inventor of Ethernet) on the trend of hardware speedups not being able to keep up with software demands
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)
"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
- C. A. R. Hoare
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"What do you take me for, an idiot?"
- General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy
"I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon."
- Bill Hirst
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
"A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
"Logic is in the eye of the logician."
- Gloria Steinem
"No one can earn a million dollars honestly."
- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
"Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech."
- Martin Fraquhar Tupper
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"When ideas fail, words come in very handy."
- Goethe (1749-1832)
"In the end, everything is a gag."
- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
- Lucille S. Harper
"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
- Yogi Berra
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)
"He who hesitates is a damned fool."
- Mae West (1892-1980)
"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater."
- Gail Godwin
"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small."
- Henry Kissinger (1923-)
"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)
"Behind every great fortune there is a crime."
- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
"I am not young enough to know everything."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
- General George Patton (1885-1945)
"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking."
- Katherine Cebrian
"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it."
- Steven Wright
"Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour."
- Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)
"Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure."
- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
"I have read your book and much like it."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)
"The covers of this book are too far apart."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them."
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
"Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end."
- Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
- Mae West (1892-1980)
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
"No Sane man will dance."
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
"Hell is a half-filled auditorium."
- Robert Frost (1874-1963)
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
"Vote early and vote often."
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"Hell is other people."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
"Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."
- Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world's first nuclear explosion)
"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
- Thomas Jones
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
"The gods too are fond of a joke."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
- Gloria Leonard
"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man."
- Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben
"The cynics are right nine times out of ten."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him."
- Revelation 6:8
"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"Hemingway was a jerk."
- Harold Robbins
"Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things."
- Epictetus (55-135 A.D.)
"What about things like bullets?"
- Herb Kimmel, Behavioralist, Professor of Psychology, upon hearing the above quote (1981)
"How can I lose to such an idiot?"
- A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)
"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."
- Woody Allen (1935-)
"I don't feel good."
- The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)
"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
- Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)
"Men have become the tools of their tools."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant."
- Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines
"I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television."
- Gore Vidal
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
- Woody Allen (1935-)
"Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives."
- Abba Eban (1915-2002)
"A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually."
- Abba Eban (1915-2002)
"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me."
- Charles William Stubbs
"Sanity is a madness put to good uses."
- George Santayana (1863-1952)
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
- Fred Allen (1894-1956)
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
- Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
"Why don't you write books people can read?"
- Nora Joyce to her husband James (1882-1941)
"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
- T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
"Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"It is better to be quotable than to be honest."
- Tom Stoppard
"Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting."
- Karl Wallenda
"Opportunities multiply as they are seized."
- Sun Tzu
"A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar."
- Lao-Tzu (570?-490? BC)
" The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
- Alan Kay
"Never mistake motion for action."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Sir Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-1971)
"Hell is paved with good samaritans."
- William M. Holden
"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"Silence is argument carried out by other means."
- Ernesto"Che"Guevara (1928-1967)
"Well done is better than well said."
- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
"The average person thinks he isn't."
- Father Larry Lorenzoni
"Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd."
- William Congreve (1670-1729)
"A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted."
- Helen Rowland (1876-1950)
"Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century."
- Lewis Perelman
"Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency."
- Lewis Perelman
"Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal."
- Sigfried Hulzer
"Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done."
- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943
"I think it would be a good idea."
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!"
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" "
- Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy."
- Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
"Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity."
- Irving Kristol
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible."
- A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
- H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)
"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
- Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
- last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both."
- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), "The Prince"
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame."
- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Yogi Berra
"There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole."
- Bill Wulf
"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"Write drunk; edit sober."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"I criticize by creation - not by finding fault."
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
"Love is friendship set on fire."
- Jeremy Taylor
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
- Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair
"My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate."
- Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was
"Woman was God's second mistake."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"This isn't right, this isn't even wrong."
- Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper
"For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
"Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run."
- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
"He would make a lovely corpse."
- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"I worship the quicksand he walks in."
- Art Buchwald
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"A poem is never finished, only abandoned."
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)
"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction."
- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
"If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?"
- Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing
"#3 pencils and quadrille pads."
- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the grid lines were not so dominant.
"Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray."
- Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.
"Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis."
- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.
"I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need."
- Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"The truth is more important than the facts."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
- Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Marriage Quotes
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Stephen Leacock
Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
Beverley Nichols
Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.
Thornton Wilder
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.
Charles Caleb Colton
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Mae West
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
George Jessel
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
George Bernard Shaw
Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.
St. Jerome
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Irwin Corey
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Alan King
Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person.
Sophia Bush
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.
Michel de Montaigne
Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued.
Robert Graves
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose Bierce
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".
Herbert Spencer
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Josh Billings
Ambrose Bierce
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Stephen Leacock
Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
Beverley Nichols
Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.
Thornton Wilder
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.
Charles Caleb Colton
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Mae West
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
George Jessel
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
George Bernard Shaw
Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.
St. Jerome
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Irwin Corey
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Alan King
Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person.
Sophia Bush
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.
Michel de Montaigne
Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued.
Robert Graves
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose Bierce
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".
Herbert Spencer
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Josh Billings
Gratitude Quote
"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others."
Cicero
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."
Eric Hoffer
"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul."
Henry Ward Beecher
"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
William Author Ward
"Gratitude is the sign of noble souls."
Aesop
"Gratitude - the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world."
Dorothy Parker
"Revenge is a much more punctual paymaster than gratitude."
Charles Caleb Colton
"What soon grows old? Gratitude."
Aristotle
"To the generous mind the heaviest debt is that of gratitude, when it is not in our power to repay it."
Benjamin Franklin
Cicero
"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."
Eric Hoffer
"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul."
Henry Ward Beecher
"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
William Author Ward
"Gratitude is the sign of noble souls."
Aesop
"Gratitude - the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world."
Dorothy Parker
"Revenge is a much more punctual paymaster than gratitude."
Charles Caleb Colton
"What soon grows old? Gratitude."
Aristotle
"To the generous mind the heaviest debt is that of gratitude, when it is not in our power to repay it."
Benjamin Franklin
Fun Quotes
"The true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground."
G K Chesterton
"I have done my fiddling so long under Vesuvius that I have almost forgotten to play, and can only wait for the eruption and think it long of coming. Literally no man has more wholly outlived life than I. And still it?s good fun."
Robert Louis Stevenson
"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun."
Woody Allen
"The one advantage of playing with fire...is that no one ever gets singed. It is the people who don't know how to play with it who get burned up."
Oscar Wilde
"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy."
Robert Louis Stevenson
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."
Dale Carnegie
"You hear that boy laughing??you think he?s all fun; But the angels laugh, too, at the good he has done; The children laugh loud as they troop to his call, And the poor man that knows him laughs loudest of all."
Oliver Wendell Holmes
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun"
Katherine Hepburn
"Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss."
Anonymous
"It is a happy talent to know how to play."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
G K Chesterton
"I have done my fiddling so long under Vesuvius that I have almost forgotten to play, and can only wait for the eruption and think it long of coming. Literally no man has more wholly outlived life than I. And still it?s good fun."
Robert Louis Stevenson
"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun."
Woody Allen
"The one advantage of playing with fire...is that no one ever gets singed. It is the people who don't know how to play with it who get burned up."
Oscar Wilde
"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy."
Robert Louis Stevenson
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."
Dale Carnegie
"You hear that boy laughing??you think he?s all fun; But the angels laugh, too, at the good he has done; The children laugh loud as they troop to his call, And the poor man that knows him laughs loudest of all."
Oliver Wendell Holmes
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun"
Katherine Hepburn
"Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss."
Anonymous
"It is a happy talent to know how to play."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Inpirational Quote/Message
What we think, we become.
Buddha
Greatness comes by beginning something that doesn't end with you.
Robin Sharma
Peace begins with a smile.
Mother Teresa
Always do what you are afraid to do.
Ralph W. Emerson
Practice what you preach.
American Proverb
Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier.
Charles F. Kettering
A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money.
John Ruskin
Don't use a lot where a little will do.
American Proverb
Buddha
Greatness comes by beginning something that doesn't end with you.
Robin Sharma
Peace begins with a smile.
Mother Teresa
Always do what you are afraid to do.
Ralph W. Emerson
Practice what you preach.
American Proverb
Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier.
Charles F. Kettering
A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money.
John Ruskin
Don't use a lot where a little will do.
American Proverb
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
George Bernard Shaw
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
Alanis Morissette
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
Fred Allen
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
James Thurber
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Harry S. Truman
You're only as good as your last haircut.
Fran Lebowitz
Albert Einstein
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
George Bernard Shaw
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
Alanis Morissette
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
Fred Allen
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
James Thurber
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Harry S. Truman
You're only as good as your last haircut.
Fran Lebowitz
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
Alfred Hitchcock
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
David Ogilvy
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Dave Barry
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Jay Leno
The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
Voltaire
The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk.
Dustin Hoffman
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
Joe E. Lewis
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
Casey Stengel
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Mark Twain
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Josh Billings
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Frank Lloyd Wright
Don Marquis
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
Alfred Hitchcock
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
David Ogilvy
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Dave Barry
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Jay Leno
The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
Voltaire
The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk.
Dustin Hoffman
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
Joe E. Lewis
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
Casey Stengel
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Mark Twain
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Josh Billings
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Frank Lloyd Wright
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
My inner child is not wounded.
Shannen Doherty
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Myers
Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke
Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. Mencken
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Saint Augustine
Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
George Bernard Shaw
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben
One man's folly is another man's wife.
Helen Rowland
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Laurence J. Peter
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Lewis Mumford
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
Samuel Butler
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
Chevy Chase
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres
Spike Milligan
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
My inner child is not wounded.
Shannen Doherty
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Myers
Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke
Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. Mencken
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Saint Augustine
Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
George Bernard Shaw
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben
One man's folly is another man's wife.
Helen Rowland
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Laurence J. Peter
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Lewis Mumford
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
Samuel Butler
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
Chevy Chase
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Quentin Crisp
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
Yogi Berra
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Dave Barry
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'Rourke
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Henry A. Kissinger
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Marlene Dietrich
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
Quentin Crisp
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
Yogi Berra
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Dave Barry
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'Rourke
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Henry A. Kissinger
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Marlene Dietrich
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
Paul Lynde
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns
I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Emo Philips
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
Howard Nemerov
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
Mercedes McCambridge
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg
I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
James Brown
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Will Rogers
Groucho Marx
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
Paul Lynde
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns
I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Emo Philips
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
Howard Nemerov
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
Mercedes McCambridge
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg
I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
James Brown
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Will Rogers
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Calvin Coolidge
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
I like marriage. The idea.
Toni Morrison
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers
I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller
Mitch Hedberg
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have a love interest in every one of my films - a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Calvin Coolidge
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
I like marriage. The idea.
Toni Morrison
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers
I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
Marilyn vos Savant
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
He would make a lovely corpse.
Charles Dickens
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Mark Twain
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Bill Cosby
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
Stephen King
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright
I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.
Paul Lynde
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
Imelda Marcos
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
Paula Poundstone
I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Stephen Fry
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
George Burns
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
Marilyn vos Savant
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
He would make a lovely corpse.
Charles Dickens
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Mark Twain
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Bill Cosby
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
Stephen King
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright
I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.
Paul Lynde
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
Imelda Marcos
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
Paula Poundstone
I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Stephen Fry
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Bette Davis
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Samuel Goldwyn
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
Naguib Mahfouz
Bette Davis
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'Rourke
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
Samuel Goldwyn
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
Naguib Mahfouz
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
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